Dating

Past Transgressions

I thought I was open-minded.

Well, I suppose we all do, in a way. We assume that because our minds are more open than the ones around us that we’re the smart ones, we’re the chosen, we’re the intellectual and cultural pariahs; nope, it just means we’re not quite as dumb as everyone else in our little village.

As a gay man, I’ve always felt an affinity to transgendered people, despite having absolutely no knowledge or personal experience with their plight. It was like… all of humanity is in a room, and straight heternormative types are over there taking up most of the center of the room, I’m here hanging by the chips and dip, and the transgendered peeps are over in the opposite corner. But this meant, to me, that we had a bond for both being outcast, albeit different kinds of outcasts. It made me a brother, someone who by all rights and means would fight for them against an imposing majority. (more…)

Finding Boyfriendship

I know I’m not the only one that feels a little lost around the holidays. The season tends to focus on family, and love, and togetherness, and acceptance, and for anyone who doesn’t have one or more of those things, the have-nots tend to overshadow the haves, despite all the “be grateful” crap thrown around the airwaves. I’ll say that I am blessed with an amazing family that I absolutely adore, and loves and supports me unconditionally. However, it’s difficult not to think about the fact that, as my cousins get married and have children and my aunts and uncles and parents age into retirement, I’ve been single for a dozen or so years at this point with no end in sight. Being single in and of itself isn’t the problem, really, because I am a staunch believer in the idea that one must be comfortable within his own skin before a relationship with anyone else is a viable reality, but it’s gotten to the point where my “own skin” needs a bit of darning where it’s been well-worn. (more…)

Thank You, I Do Realize It’s Not 1997 Anymore

For the past two years, I’ve worn an insulin pump as part of my diabetes management. As wonderful a tool it can be, I’m finding the negative side effects affect mostly my social life. Guys, whether they be new friends or potentially more, have often made jokes about it, thinking that I still use a pager and am not hep to the smartphone age. Though, every once in a while, someone thinks I’m a doctor, which is initially flattering but then leaves me reeking of unfulfilled potential. But more often than not, the jokes are either allusions to drug deals or snobby critiques of my retro choices in personal electronics.

Attempting to show that diabetes can be sexy. Or, at least isn’t completely unsexy.

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Proudish To Be An American, Where At Least I Think I’m Somewhat Free

I was born to two San Franciscan natives 29.93 years ago in suburby Walnut Creek, California. I grew up in California, and with the exception of a minor three-month stint in Seattle when I was 21, I haven’t lived anywhere else. So I realize this puts me in a bubble, a place where I can see what’s happening around me, if I choose to, all the while protected from some of the harsher realities of the world. (more…)

Resonance

Throughout my life I’ve always been interested in Greek myth. I loved learning how people explained natural phenomena and human behavior before science proved it. Though they all hold a place in my heart, the one story that resonates within me still is the story of Echo and Narcissus, the woeful nymph and her unrequited love. (more…)

On The Needles: An Original Cardigan, Toe Up Socks, & Me

It’s been a busy month for lil ole Thomers, lots of changes at work and the poor health to show for it. Normally, I don’t get sick often, but in the past month I’ve had stomach flu, a nasty airport-induced cold, and a fever combined with sore throat that refuses to go away.

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Promisculicious

I came out at an early age.

When I was eight years old, I distinctly remember my mom talking to me about gay people, what that meant, and explained how my aunt wasn’t bringing her “friend” home for holidays, it was her girlfriend, and that to my mom, they were both part of our family. She laid it down that being gay is something to embrace about oneself, not be ashamed of, and to let me know that if I ever thought I was gay, I was still her son and it wouldn’t change how much she loved me.

When I came out to friends and family five years later, I asked my mom about that conversation, and what prompted her to have it with me, and she told me that she knew I was gay since I was two years old. It wasn’t because I had a brief fascination with wearing dresses as a toddler, though that may have been part of it, it was more how I reacted to things. What caught my attention when watching a TV show or movie. My responses to things other people said. From an early age I had an idea of what was important to me, what was at my core, and she picked up on it and when she felt the time was right, encouraged me to always be myself.

I love you, mom.

But this post is about what comes later and mom, if you’re reading this, well, you’ve been warned.

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Perpetually Single

As I get closer and closer to thirty years old, more and more of my thought time is devoted to what I want in a potential husband. It’s not that I feel a rush to find him out there in the world, but as I age it becomes clearer as to what I want from life, what I value in my relationships, and what is most important to me when all else falls away.

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